2015 Week 3 Recap

Brody was here.
Brody was here.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

I mean DAYUM!

There was some scoring going on this week, and it was widespread. Six of us scored in the triple digits, which is a remarkable achievement. 140 points is a very difficult mark to hit, and has been matched or beaten only five times in our league history: Once by Jeremiah in week 8 of the 2014 season (8W2014, for short), twice by Craig (8W2014, 13W2013), and thrice by Justin (5W2013, 15W2013, and 10W2014). Justin’s effort in 15W2013 was our league’s prior scoring record, at 170 points. Well, that record has been broken by Dustin Cossette’s Tds and beer, which racked up an astonishing 175 points in a win over the also-but-not-quite-as-prolific Untarnished Krones, which came in at 122. Folks, these two guys scored a total of 297 points in one regular-season game. Had either tight end played worth a damn, we would have seen a combined 300 points, but let’s focus on the positive. Dusty, you had an amazing week. Congratulations! Truly, I think this one deserves a moment of silence out of respect. Hats off, boys…hats off. Dusty, you sit alone on top of Scoring Mountain, and it will likely be a long time before you’re booted off.

And there was one other 140 this week, itself an amazing accomplishment, this one put up by Caleb’s Team Kallander, which posted a 140 – 119 victory over Nick Simon and dA cHaMp. Kallander had solid performances from his team, with standout efforts from Chris Johnson at RB, Julio Jones at WR, and the best defensive performance of the week, with 30 points out of his Arizona D/ST. Nick’s D/ST, out of Denver, also had an outstanding performance for a D/ST, but it was no match for Arizona. The 140-point club is in rarified air, and this week has another new member. Congratulations, Caleb!

There was only one game that still hadn’t been decided going into Monday night, that between Nicole and Shawn. Prior to the Green Bay/Kansas City game, Team Josiah had a 32-point lead over The hose puller, but when the hoser has Aaron Rodgers AND one of his receivers, big points are always a possibility. Nicole certainly wasn’t helped by the -5 points put up by the KC D/ST, but the big story was indeed Rodgers and WR James Jones, who combined for 53 points and propelled hoser to the win.

Big stories abound this week, folks, and this one certainly qualifies: CROWN ROOF won! Surprisingly to some, Jeremiah still has 10 of the guys he drafted, though his starting lineup this week held only four of the guys he had in there at the close of the draft. Truly, Crown is a chameleon, and this week his maneuvering paid off with an 82 – 62 victory over FuckYeah Brody. (Who is Brody, you ask? It happened in Panama in 2003. The weather was hot but the music was hotter…but that’s another story.) Anyway, Adrian had a great performance out of Dallas RB Joseph Randle (27 points), but the rest of his team fell asleep. Jeremiah’s outstanding performances were from Frank Gore (RB, Indianapolis), Demaryius Thomas (WR, Denver), and Travis Kelce (TE, KC). It seems unfair that Craig would get the third-highest score of the week and lose, while Jeremiah gets the third-lowest score of the week and wins, but that’s the crazy week it was.

The last big story of the week is the single remaining unbeaten team in the League, the Nordic Love Gods. Jason was nervous going up against Justin this week, as anyone should be. Like Alec Baldwin hosting Saturday Night Live more than everyone else, Justin Walter has more HUGE-scoring games than his contemporaries. Fortunately for the Love Gods, this was not one of those games for Justin. Led by an outstanding performance from his receiver corps, Jason posted a 109 – 63 victory. Justin’s bench would have gotten him close, but it wouldn’t have mattered. His running backs and defense shit the bed enough to give the victory to the Love Gods.

Like Joe Namath in 1969, Craig has guaranteed victory this coming week in his game against Jason. Jason’s reaction? “It’s a long season and it will be good to get that first loss out of the way, but it won’t be this week.”

Congratulations to all our winners, and especially to our new scoring champion, Dustin Cossette!

P.S., Special thanks to Craig for his research regarding past seasons.

2015 Week 2 Recap

Fargo South's Meghan Roehrich drives to the hoop. This is relevant, I promise.
Fargo South’s Meghan Roehrich drives to the hoop. This is relevant, I promise.

Week two of our season saw Team Josiah take on the Nordic Love Gods, dA cHaMp play FuckYeah Brody, The hose puller visit Tds and beer, Team Kallander hit the virtual road against Slingin’ and Slangin’, and the Untarnished Krones play host to CROWN ROOF. Interestingly, the matchup between Josiah and the Gods was the only game this week that featured two undefeated teams. Every other matchup featured at least one team at 0 – 1.

Josiah jumped out to an early lead over the Love Gods, but Rob Gronkowski didn’t put up the production to match his week 1 performance. Make no mistake, he is THE tight end and everyone knows it, but even he has a hiccup every now and then. If you can call 17 points a hiccup. The guy’s a star. Both Nicole and Jason had trouble at running back, with Jeremy Hill fumbling away his small yardage gains for Nicole, and Eddie Lacy departing his game in the first quarter with an ankle injury, putting up zero points for Jason. In what was the biggest bench blunder of the week, Jason left Larry Fitzgerald and his 29 points on the sidelines. By Sunday night, Team Josiah led the Love Gods by 6, with the Indy/Jets game still in store. And despite Andrew Luck’s best efforts to give the game to the Jets, he scored just enough for the Love Gods to beat Team Josiah, 78 – 76.

In one of the early finishes of the week, Caleb and Team Kallander took on Justin and Slingin’ and Slangin’. Position by position, this match went back and forth. Roethlisberger beat Wilson, Forte beat Ingram, Brown beat Jones, Crosby beat Prater. Left-right, right-left. The biggest difference between the two, however, was on defense and special teams. Miami lost a point for Justin, but the Arizona D/ST put up 18 points for Caleb. In the end, Kallander topped Slangin’, 108 – 93. Maddeningly for Justin, his winning points were on the bench. That’s the way it goes sometimes, folks.

In the only game where both teams were looking for their first win, the Hosers met Tds and beer. Two elite quarterbacks, Rodgers and Brady, teamed up with premier receivers…from the other team. For Shawn, Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers was tossing virtual balls to New England’s Julian Edelman, while New England’s Tom Brady was airing out the bits and bytes to Green Bay’s Randall Cobb for Dusty. The Rodgers-Edelman pair topped Brady-Cobb, but it wasn’t enough. Any hopes for a come-from-behind victory for Shawn were dashed when the Colts’ Adam Vinatieri scored the big zero. Final score, Tds and beer 74, The hose puller 61.

It looks like Adrian Peterson has shaken off the, um, first-week jitters, as it were, as he put up the points we would expect from a top-four running back, scoring 16 for dA cHaMp. And Nick was nowhere close to finished. By the time the dust settled, he had scored a remarkable 123 points, this after scoring the fewest points last week. That incredible total will likely contend for the highest total of the entire season. The only thing that would have made that game ANY better would have been if Adrian had put up the lowest total of the week, thereby completing the worst-to-first beats first-to-worst reversal. Such poetic Karma was not on our side, however, as Adrian was not the cellar dweller this week. He was third-lowest in Nick’s 123 – 63 victory. The honor of scoring the least this week belongs to…

Jeremiah Walter took on Craig Ericson in the lowest point-getting game of the week. This one was ugly. Really, nobody deserves to win with a point total under 80, but a win is a win and Craig’s Krones managed to find 79 points among the weeds. When combined, the TWO teams would have just managed to beat Nick this week, with a total of 125. CROWN scored only 46 points, which is below last year’s season average of the Fargo South Girls’ Basketball team, which scored 53 per game. (See, the photo IS relevant!) I think we all expected it would take Jeremiah a few weeks to settle on a team, and this is just one more iteration. The trouble is, his bench also scored at the bottom of the league, with only 25. There is much work to be done in Roofland.

Congratulations to all our winners, particularly Nick Simon, with his huge 123 points. Separate kudos to Craig and Jason, the two teams to start the season 2 – 0. Next week, both of them face tough matchups, with the Love Gods facing Slangin’, and the Krones taking on a Tds and beer with a new running back: Le’Veon Bell. It’s going to be tough.

Good luck with the waivers this week!

2015 Week 1 Recap

T. Brady and R. Gronkowski. They scored a lot this week.
T. Brady and R. Gronkowski. They scored a lot this week.

The 2015 season opener did not disappoint, particularly for Dusty and Nicole, as the Bronk pair and some other Patriots played host to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Stephen Gostkowski scored 4 for the Nordic Love Gods, but that was nothing compared to the 38 points put up by Tom Brady and the 27 by Rob “Man Crush” Gronkowski. At the end of the night, Dusty’s Tds and beer led the Nordic Love Gods 38 – 4, and Team Josiah jumped to a 27 – 0 lead over dA cHaMp. Hell, Gronkowski even recovered the onside kick at the end of the game. He was Important, with a capital I, putting up almost two and a half times his weekly average from last year. In all, Patriots players put up 78 points for our league, while the Men of Steel only put up 37. Pittsburgh running back DeAngelo Williams scored an additional 12 for Jason’s bench, but what good did that do?!? Color them crazy or prescient, but Nicole and Dusty snagged a couple of good picks in Gronkowski and Brady.

In other League action, after Thursday’s game Team Kallander lead FuckYeah Brody 18 – 0, Slingin’ and Slangin’ was in front of CROWN ROOF 19 – 0, and The hose puller jumped to a 9 – 0 head start on the Untarnished Krones.

And then came Sunday and the tight ends. Oh, the tight ends. Last year, the top ten tight ends scored 7.86 points per game. This weekend, the tight ends in our league scored an average of 12.5, and that includes the fact that Shawn had TWO of them in his starting lineup. Cowboys’ tight end Jason Witten, in the flex position, scored more than every other player on Shawn’s bench. Every. other. player. A tight end did that. Last year, the tight ends were the cellar dwellers in scoring, behind even the average kicker. Are we seeing a fundamental change in tight end usage in the NFL? Have Nicole Holand and Rob Gronkowski brought their message to the NFL as a whole? We’ll see what happens next week, but this might be big, folks.

I asked Nick what he thought his chances were for Adrian Peterson to make up 40 points for him against Nicole, and he replied, “Chances are better that he would [rather] than wouldn’t, especially against the Niners. The Niners’ D is pretty depleted and AP is hungry. [He’s] had a year off too, so he’s fresher than fresh, but we will see.” Is Nicole worried? “Not worried at all,” she stated flatly. History may be on her side, as the 49ers have handled Peterson solidly all three times they’ve met him since he joined the league in 2007. AP has never reached 100 yards against the Niners, nor has he ever scored a touchdown against them. The Vikes won all three of those games, but it was without a significant contribution from AP.

Justin’s statistically dominant draft class handed the business to Jeremiah’s sub-par team on Sunday, but Jeremiah was largely non-plussed. He knew it wouldn’t be easy for him to make up 36 points, but he was only two points under where he wanted to be. On Monday afternoon, Jeremiah said, “If I was down by 20 with just a kicker, I’d still believe.” Any given Sunday, Jeremiah…any given Sunday.

By about halftime of the PHI – ATL game Monday night, Craig’s Untarnished Krones had their victory over The hose puller secured. Despite getting only three points from RB C.J. Anderson (DEN) and a big goose egg from WR Nelson Agholor (PHI), the Krones were the ones pulling it out—the victory, that is—over the hosers. Wanna know why? Because some tight end named Tyler Eifert, whom nobody but his parents had ever heard of, played out of his mind and got 22 points for Craig. Final score: 91 – 80, Krones.

At the end of the first Monday-night game, the first battle of the Walters was over, with Justin taking the victory from Jeremiah, 99 – 81. Alas, this wasn’t the Sunday Jeremiah was hoping for, as Sam Bradford and Cody Parkey contributed only 18 points to CROWN.

As the Niners/Vikes game started, Dusty, Caleb, Adrian, and Nick still had active players. Considering the tight-end play this week, Jason had an anything-but-comfortable lead over Dusty, as Dusty had TE Vernon Davis taking the field for the Niners, who were running a multiple tight-end set. Great. Caleb had another tight end in play, Kyle Rudolph for the Vikes. In the dogfight of the week, Kallander vs. Brody, Caleb also had the Vikes D/ST, and Adrian had RB Carlos Hyde on the field. Nick, of course, was counting on Adrian Peterson to close the gap between him and Nicole.

The Niners continued their dominance over AP, and this time they actually won the game 20 – 3. Peterson was a non-factor, and Nicole breezed to an easy victory: Team Josiah 100, dA cHaMp 65. Thankfully for Jason, Vernon Davis scored on the lower end of our league’s active tight ends this week, adding only 4 to Dusty’s bottom line, and the Nordic Love Gods took the matchup, 102 – 91 over Tds and beer. But let’s hear it for Carlos Hyde, running back for San Fran, who scored a whopping 29 points for Adrian in the flex position, beating the next-highest flex player (Jason Witten) by 11 points. Hyde’s inspired performance, along with a stellar defensive effort by the Panthers, vaulted Adrian Simser and FuckYeah Brody to the victory with the League’s top score of the week, 118 – 95 over Team Kallander.

By the time the dust settled Sunday night, here were the scores:

Team Kallander  52
FuckYeah Brody  59

The hose puller  80
Untarnished Krones  76

Tds and beer  75
Nordic Love Gods  92

Slingin’ and Slangin’  99

Team Josiah  100
dA cHaMp  60

Can the tight ends keep it up? Is Carlos Hyde for real? What kind of year will Adrian Peterson have? Only time will tell. Congratulations to all our winners this week, and good luck next week!