2016 Week1: Champ Spanked, Rookies Shine

Week 1 of the 2016 NFL season has been put to bed, Lady and Gentlemen, and it had more drama than a slumber party of 15-year-olds. I have raised daughters. I know.

The big story this week is that our2015 champ, Caleb Kalander, was soundly beaten by Craig Ericson. Play was fairly evenly matched between the two men at QB, WR2, and TE. Every other line was lopsided, mostly in Craig’s favor. I will point out, however, that the big tilt in Caleb’s favor was at D/ST: The Vikings managed to put up 21 points on defense against the Tennessee Titans. When your defense is the second-highest scoring line on your roster in any given week, that means your defense was either extraordinary or the rest of your people stunk it up. For Team Kallander, it was the latter. To be fair, RB Matt Forte and WR Mike Evans didn’t actually perform badly…but everyone else did. On the Krone’s side of the scoreboard, RBs Carlos Hyde and Ameer Abdullah tore it up, and WR A. J. Green was even better. The final score in this one was 125 – 95, Krones over Kallander.

The runner-up from 2015, Nordic Love Gods, took on FY Brody…wait, I mean Auto Pick. Much to Jason’s utter astonishment, Russell Wilson, undroppable Russell Wilson, scored only 11 points. Eleven. Points. (Not that Jason would drop Russell Wilson, that’s simply how good ESPN thinks he is: good enough for the undroppable list.) After a stellar performance by WR Brandin Cooks, Adrian’s algorithmically allocated team was up by nine going into the Monday night games. Adrian still had Antonio Brown to play, while Jason had Brown’s teammate, DeAngelo Williams. DeAngelo Williams did his damnedest for Jason, putting up a whopping 28 points. Sadly, it wasn’t enough, as Antonio Brown scored 24, giving the game to Auto Pick by five, 115 – 110. In other news, Adrian was finally able to log on Sunday, and has since changed the name of his team to SimserConst 1. Welcome back, Adrian. Another side note: This was the only game this week where the top scorer on both teams was NOT a QB.

It’s always exciting when the Walter brothers duke it out, and this one was no different. Rookie RB Zeke Elliot turned in a solid11-point performance for Crown Roof, David Johnson of Arizona added 18, and Spencer Ware of KC threw in a really nice 25. Defending the West got some decent numbers out of TE Dwayne Allen, RB LeSean McCoy and K Dan Bailey. On Monday evening, the game was hoisted onto RB Todd Gurley’s shoulders…who was absolutely shut down by the 49ers defense. The Rams lost 28 -0, and Gurley scored only 4 fantasy points. Justin was as disappointed in Gurley as Jason was in Russell Wilson. Side note: DeAngelo Williams would have won Justin the game, if he were on Justin’s roster.

In the low-scoring game this week, newcomer Patrick Imhof took on last year’s #1 playoff seed, Nicole Holand. Sadly for Nicole, Cam Newton appears to be human after all, scoring a mere 20 points this week. Even more sadly for her, Loverboy Gronkowski was unable to play against Arizona this week, forcing her to settle for a single point from Martellus Bennett at TE. Patrick took advantage. By Monday’s Arizona game, his team was down only three, 67 – 64. Patrick wasn’t skeered, he wasn’t even nervous. Why? Because he had WR Larry Fitzgerald in his starting lineup. Fitzy, in the second year of a three-year contract extension, showed Patrick why he is still considered a top-notch WR and all-around great guy. He added 20 points to Patrick’s bottom line, giving the rookie his first win to open the season. The final in this one was 84 – 73, DigBick Imhof over Gronk ‘a’ Holic.

And then there was Quagnis. Eric Martens, our other rookie, took on last year’s points leader Nick Simon. Eric proclaimed a feeling for–I mean about–Andrew Luck on draft day, snagging him with the 65th pick. That may well end up being the draft’s best value pick. Luck did not disappoint, putting up 35 points for Quagnis’ Bad FF Team. Then RB C.J. Anderson came along and added 25. Together, those two players accounted for nearly half of Eric’s output this week. Meanwhile, dA Champ had a blah game. Like overcooked oatmeal, it was without excitement. Oh wait, he did get one good performance: Julius Thomas from Jacksonville put up 12 points at tight end. Other than that one raisin, it was a bland bowl of…blandness. Martens absolutely ran away with this contest, 127 – 82 over Simon.

Next week, only one rookie will remain undefeated, as the two of them meet for battle. Good luck to everyone in week 2!

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