2016 Week 4: Crown Royal, Love Gods Unloved

Crown Roof remains undefeated after week 4, after laying a beat-down on Team Kallander. The big difference in this one was the running backs. Zeke Elliot continues to pay dividends for Jeremiah, scoring 20 points in this outing. DeMarco Murray was the big gainer though, earning 23 points for Crown, equal to the starting quarterback, Derek Carr. Topping off Crown’s backfield was David Johnson’s 10 points. Add in a decent performance by the Denver D/ST, and the average performances by everyone else were enough to propel Crown Roof to victory. Kallander had two good performances in his skill positions, 14 by Chris Michael and 15 by Demaryius Thomas. The rest of his team fell flat, and it was particularly disappointing to see Matt Forte score only 3. Crown Roof beats Team Kallander, 115 – 74.

Another of our league scored 74 in a losing effort, and that was Nick Simon. Nick’s dA cHaMp tangled with Adrian’s Autopicker this week and the top of his board started strong, with Ben Roethlisberger scoring a fantastic 34 points. It went downhill from there though, as fast as an old East German two-man luge team: OBJ, 2 points. Stefon Diggs, 4. Jamaal Charles, 0. Kansas City D, -4. It wasn’t pretty. Adrian put together a balanced score, if just a bit light, led by Antonio Brown’s 18. If Carson Palmer had scored average for a QB, Adrian would have been in the mid-90s. But he did enough to win. Autopicker AD 90, dA cHaMp 74.

The Untarnished Krones hit the road against DigBick Imhof, a team with a star just off suspension: LeVeon Bell. Bell wasted no time putting his stamp on DigBick’s lineup, scoring 17 in his first outing of the year. The rest of Patrick’s scores were, like Adrian’s, about average, maybe a little light. There was one other standout though: TE Greg Olsen scored 15. Craig, on the other hand, got some excellent numbers out of A. J. Green: 10 receptions, 173 yards, and a TD for a total of 23 points. Tight end Kyle Rudolph also did well for Craig, scoring 11. Sadly, that was where the good news ended for the Krones. DigBick Imhof beat the Untarnished Krones 92 – 72.

The high-flying game this week was between Gronk ‘a Holic and Quagnis’ Bad FF Team. (Maybe Quagnis was the name of an old pet duck.) To be honest, Quagnis was let down by the Carolina D/ST (-1) and LeGarrette Blount (5). He would have been flirting with 140 had those two positions done as well as the rest of the team. The big scorer for Quagnis was Pittsburgh WR Julio Jones, who scored an incredible 36 points. To be fair, Gronky didn’t do too bad, throwing down the third-best score of the week. She just happened to be playing the guy with the best score. Anyway, Cam “Regress to the Mean” Newton had another poor week with only 15 points, while the team’s namesake, Rob Gronkowski, scored only a single point. Wide receiver Michael Crabtree tried to make up the difference with 26 points, but it wasn’t enough. In the end, Quagnis took the match, 117 – 103 over Gronk ‘a’ Holic.

And then there were the Nordic Love Gods. Coming off a win over the nemesis Krones, the Love Gods were hoping to hit .500. It was not to be. Jason’s team members each got dressed to play a rousing game of fantasy baseball. The high scorer on the team was the kicker, Adam Vinatieri (12). Only one other player, RB Lamar Miller, scored in double-digits, and just barely. Defending the West, meanwhile, had solid performances down the line, with running backs Melvin Gordon (17) and LeShawn McCoy (16) presenting themselves as the standouts. Looking at his team’s miserable score—43—after the dust settled on Sunday night, Jason muttered, “What the actual fuck,” before sabering a bottle of cheap tequila with a dull axe. Defending the West more than doubled up on the Nordic Love Gods, 99 – 43. There were other football teams that scored 43 over the weekend. In Washington, Gig Harbor High School beat Spanaway Lake, 43 – 7. The Eunice, New Mexico Cardinals beat the Tucumcari Rattlers 43 – 6. And in Nebraska, the Aurora Huskies pulled through after encountering a scrappy Crete Cardinals team, 43 –29. Jason shall look to each of these teams for inspiration next week.

Fun fact: a team of all Patriots players would have scored only 17 in week 4.

Good luck next week!

Week 4 Gut Feelings

Three weeks into the 2016 season, we have found out my gut is very unreliable. Not just unreliable but horribly wrong and not to be trusted. I do think my gut gets a little break as I’m trying to dive deep…deep down in my gut where there is nothing good…deep into the place where no one else wants to go…the kind of gut feelings that, if they hit, would win a lot of money in daily fantasy.

Week three saw not one of my gut feelings come to fruition. Week three showed the unpredictable nature of fantasy football. The two best running backs were the two Atlanta running backs. Yes, two running backs on the same team set the pace in week three. If that wasn’t crazy enough, try these on for size: There was a Detroit wide receiver on top this week, and it wasn’t Calvin Johnson. A Cleveland wide receiver cracked the top four. There was a Rams wide receiver inside the top 10, the same Rams that did not score an offensive touchdown through the first two weeks. Also, the first five wide receivers drafted in the Grown Mens’ League were all outside the top ten. The top ten QBs in week three contained three rookie quarterbacks and a back-up journeyman. Why do we even put ourselves through this agony and misery?

The Ravens rushing attack has been crap. That’s right, just a big old stinky log. The coaches have came out and said they need to get the rushing game going. There are plenty of options to chose from in their crowded backfield now that Kenneth Dixon is back at practice. But the man to lead the rushing attack in week four will be Javouris Allen. Yes the same Javouris Allen that hasn’t even been active on a Sunday yet.

Week four brings the first London game of the year. Indy will have their first across-the-pond experience, against the Jaguars. The Jags have been disappointing from top to bottom, bu this is the week things start to look up. Blake Bortles will be a top-five quarter back. Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns will be top-fifteen wide receivers. The run game…well the running game will stay on the bottom. The fourth-best quarterback from last year will go back to his gunslinger ways and just maybe save his coach his job.

Rex Ryan always does just enough to save his career. But man does he know how to get his team pumped up for certain games. Look at week three for a prime example. Now he gets to go to Foxboro where there is magic in the air. Bill Belichick has just gone old school and ran the ball down his oppents throats with Blount. 3-0 is better then everyone thought the Patriots would do without Brady, and Gron’s been out on top of that. So it would be ok to lose one right? Wrong. The Bill Belichick’s tricks will come to light this week, and James White will be the best running back in the week-four match-up between the Patriots and Bills.

Amari Cooper has been quiet in 2016 through three weeks. A two-point conversion and consistant play from Micheal Crabtree has him one point better on the season then Cooper. In week 4, Amari Cooper will separate himself has the clear number-one wide reciver on the team. Cooper will go for a hundred-plus yards and two touch downs.

The race for last place in the NFC North will be in full tilt in week four. The Lions travel to Soldier Field. Both teams have been forced to move back-up running backs into the starting roll. The rookies will try to take the job and run with it. Ha ha! See what I did there? Run with it…I crack myself up. Dwayne Washington is on a team that would like to not even run the ball if they were honest with themselves. Jordan Howard is on a team trying to find a identity. I beilive both of them are solid this week. Jordan Howard is ranked eighteenth and Washington comes in at thirtieth. Washington will have the better fantasy day and both will be top-fifteen plays in week four.

The number-one fantasy quarter back through three weeks is Matt Ryan. Experts say trade Matt Ryan if you can get anything for him. They say sell, sell, sell all your Falcons players (except Julio of course. Unless someone makes you a offer you can’t refuse, you do not ever sell Julio Jones.) Cam Newton is bruised and battered after his eight sacks against the Vikings in week three. You think he’s mad? You think the Panthers as a team aren’t pissed about getting trucked at home? Bad news for the Falcons right? Wrong. Stay in the flames of Matt Ryan. Cam Newton may easily be the top quarterback in week four but Matt Ryan will also be a top-five option in week 4…and moving forward.

Jordan Reed. Oh, Jordan Reed. Number eighty-six where have you been? The tight end drafted number two in 2016 is currently ranked as the sixteenth tight end. It’s a get-right week. Jordan Reed will eat in week four. Top tight end.

What has happened to the Arizona Cardinals? The top offensive output in 2015 just got a good old fashion butt whooping by the hideous Buffalo Bills. It started off looking so good, as Larry Fitzgerald caught everything thrown his way. David Johnson has been a soldier for fantasy purposes but hasn’t helped the Cardinals in the win/lose column. This is also a get-right week. The Cardinals will get right. The Cardinals get to play at home against the Rams, always a tough divisional match-up. Eight and eight Jeff Fisher needs to get to his .500 record on this season. John Brown saw an increased work load in week three, and he will help stretch the defense out in this game. Larry Fitzgerald, Micheal Floyd, John Brown, and David Johnson will all have at least a hundred receiving yards.

So now that we know none of this is gonna happen, make sure to change your line ups accordingly. 😉 There are many numbers and much data to decide who to start and sit. I don’t know the percentage of times that all those numbers and data are actually right but it can’t be very high. We love football because of the human side. Depending on how a guy slept, how his finances are, how his sex life is, maybe what he had for breakfast…it will effect him. So sometimes it’s better to try to look outside the box. But we see how well that has worked for me. Seriously, if you have a gut feeling, don’t be afraid to go for if. It could win you your week. If it doesn’t, guess what, it’s just a game. Yeah, I look like a moron all the times I’m not even in the ballpark on a gut feeling. The times I hit one though are gonna be super cool. And if you follow your gut one week and go against the grain it could be one of the best stories you’ll have. Most importantly you’ll always have the story to throw in your buddy’s face, the story of beating his or her ass with a diamond in the rough.