Week 10 2018 Recap: Slugfest in the Middle

Week 10 arrived in our League with Quagnis firmly in control of the East and an ever-tightening tie for the lead in the West, between C Killin It K and the Untarnished Krones. The real battles in the standings are in the middle, as Dr. Vegas Mike tries to hold off Gronk ‘a’ Holic and DigBick Imhof in the East, while King Slayer and the Nordic Love Gods duke it out for third in the West.

Dr. Vegas did not fare well this week, as he ran up against G’Holic, who flexed her Robinson and Gordon all over him. Allen Robinson caught six balls for 133 yards and two TDs, netting 25 yards and the team’s MVP award this week. Melvin Gordon continued to demonstrate why he was Nicole’s first-round pick, scoring 15 points on the ground and 7 through the air. Even Nicole’s defense got in on the fun, scoring 15. It was a good performance by those three positions, and it was more than enough. Mike had only a couple guys perform up to snuff: Russell Wilson scored 26 and Keenan Allen had 11. I mean, sure, if you’re going to press me, Dion Lewis’s 6 points in the flex were okay, as were kicker Mason Crosby’s 7. Those numbers were merely okay for their positions. The rest of Mike’s team fell flat on its collective ass, and Gronk ‘a’ Holic took the win, 92 – 69.

Speaking of point totals in the 60s, dA cHaMp played host to the team that’s acting a lot like the wood chipper in Fargo—the one in the movie, not the one down your actual street—Untarnished Krones. Tyreek Hill brought in 25 for Nick, and that was almost all of his scoring. Everyone else was in single digits. It was fucking sad. There were actually three positions on Craig’s team that scored in the single digits: defense (0), tight end (3), and WR1 (8). Everyone else was lights-out. Christian McCaffrey scored 31 on Thursday night to start this game and Craig had zero worries after that. His squad put up another top-ten-all-time score, bringing his two-week total to 304 points. The Untarnished Krones more than doubled up on dA cHaMp, 143 – 65. Craig’s massive week 9 and 10 scores have tightened the points gap between him and Caleb Kallander to only 37 points. 

Caleb Kallander scored well again this week, this time against a resurgent Nordic Love Gods team coming off of three straight wins. The NLGs’ running back corps disappointed team owner Jason Gunderson this week, scoring only 14 points: Barkley with 9 and Coleman, 11. That pair had a golden opportunity this week as it turned out, as opposing RBs Todd Gurley and James Conner scored among the mortal, with 22 and 12, respectively. Gunderson’s guys blew it. His QB, Drew Brees, and wide receivers Davante Adams and Robert Woods tried to make up for the deficit, outscoring Caleb’s guys (Cam Newton, Michael Thomas, and Tyler Boyd) 56 – 39. Even Jason’s flex, kicker, and defense outscored Caleb’s counterparts. Then along came fucking Zach Ertz. Think back, if you will, to the beginning of the season. If someone were to offer you the choice of drafting a tight end you think might perform well, versus GUARANTEEING 10 points every week out of the position, nine out of ten of us would take the 10 points. (You know who you are.) That was about how Zach Ertz performed so far. He had scored 79 points on the season, 9.875 points per game. His previous high was 17 points, his low was 4. This fuckin’ guy goes out and scores TWENTY-SIX points on Monday night, sealing the deal for C Killin It K, 115 – 101 over the Nordic Love Gods. Crushing. 

With the Love Gods losing, King Slayer was primed to strengthen his grip on third place in the West. He visited Quagnis this week, who promptly said, “no.” To be sure, Quagnis’s game wasn’t perfect. He got 35 out of Roethlisberger and 29 out of David Johnson (finally!), his receivers did well with 29, and his flex and defense scored a combined 21. Pretty damn good. Team owner Eric Martens was mildly disappointed in RB Marlon Mack (4), TE Greg Olsen (also 4), and kicker Graham Gano (a measly 3). But those guys didn’t matter in the end. King Slayer got a huge performance out of Nick Chubb, who scored 32 points. Everyone else was average or worse. The Jets defense, for example, found a way to lose to Buffalo even worse than the Vikings did, 41 – 10. That gave the Jets D a fantasy score of -7 for Justin’s team. Ouch. Quagnis slayed the King Slayer, 125 – 99. On the plus side, Justin ordered a dozen new tee shirts emblazoned with the new team slogan, “Chubbies for Chubb!” Get yours today.

Toward the bottom of the League, with his playoff hopes gone, Jeremiah Walter turned to thoughts of killing the hopes of other teams as well, starting with Patrick Imhof’s. Patrick was not going down without a fight, however. RB Leonard Fournette scored 22, TE Austin Hooper had 11, Frank Gore added 10 in the flex, and even the KC defense outdid themselves, tallying 12. DigBick Imhof put up a solid game, leading 96 – 85 going into the Sunday night game. At that point, Jeremiah changed his team name from Dream Killer to Dream Died. But lo and behold, Zeke Elliot showed up with his best game of the season so far, throwing down a monstrous 30 points after being traded to the Dreamers just 8 days prior. The newly minted Dream Died beat down DigBick Imhof 115 – 100. Quick note: if Jeremiah had swapped a couple of guys with his bench players, he would have had 135. 

After all the action this week, the standings were shaken…no, just kidding. Nothing changed. Not one team moved up or down. Christ.

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