Franchise Owners

Justin Walter, Commissioner, King Slayer.

Justin Walter, 24, has been the Commissioner since the League’s founding, primarily because he’s the only one we could trust with the job. Though he has yet to win the League Cup, he has also avoided the Sacko. In fact, Justin has scored over 140 in a single week more than any other member, and was the scoring champion in the 2013 season.

Justin

Caleb Kallander, 2018 Co-Commissioner, C Killin It K.

Caleb Kallander is a perennial League contender (having won the 2015 and 2017 campaigns) and dinosaur aficionado. There’s nothing he likes more than sitting down with a Bailey’s Irish Cream latte and watching Jurassic Park while snuggled up to the League Cup. Though calm on the outside, Caleb’s mind is racing about fantasy football faster than a Chris Johnson 40.

Caleb

Craig Ericson, Untarnished Krones.

The human crystal ball. The Nostradamus of the gridiron. The Master of the Sleeper Pick. These are all titles Craig would like to have, and he pursues them with reckless aban…er, enthusiasm, let’s say. We instituted the league veto rule on trades primarily to protect Craig. Still, he has forgotten more football knowledge than many of us will ever know, and he is always a playoff threat.

Craig

Jason Gunderson, Nordic Love Gods

Rookie of the Year in 2015, the runner-up Nordic Love Gods wasted no time in completing the Circle of Fantasy Life, going from (Nearly) First to Worst. The 2016 season was a disaster for the Love Gods, as they went an abysmal 2–11 and finished last. Jason’s only consolation was that his two wins were against his perennial nemesis, the Untarnished Krones.

Jason

Nicole Holland, Gronk ‘a’ Holic

Though our league is called the Grown Men’s League, there is one of us that isn’t. Nicole is not, in fact, a man. She is, however, married to one: fellow Leaguer Jeremiah Walter. Some suspiciously think of her team as Jeremiah’s second squad, but after Nicole went on a tear during the 2015 season and entered the playoffs as the #1 seed, we started to think of Jeremiah as the phantom owner. Nicole idolizes a certain tight end, but refuses to let her libido dictate her first-round pick.

Nicole

Patrick Imhof, DigBickImhof.

Patrick made it all the way to the championship game in both the 2016 and 2017 seasons. This year, Patrick seeks to finish what he started. He also seeks to shed the nickname other League members have (predictably) given him: Little Dick.

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Eric Martens, Team Quagnis

We don’t know what a Quagnis is. It could be a flightless bird from a North Atlantic island, or it could be that Irish chick he hooked up with after a 2004 Megadeth cover band concert in Flagstaff. The League’s other rookie in the 2016 – ’17 season, Eric had a strong draft which started his season off right, and he made a run all the way to the semi-final. Eric is eagerly looking for more this year.

Eric

Nick Simon, dA Champ

Our innaugural champion, Nick Simon’s team name was Pony Bronies before he won the League Cup. We had to get him good and drunk before he agreed to change the name to something more appropriate. His optimism never wanes as he tries to recapture the glory days of 2012, and in the 2015 season he was the League points champion. Nick is always a force to be reckoned with.

Nick

Mike Arnold, Rudolph the Red Zone Reindeer

Mike is our 2017 – ’18 rookie. A farmer by day and Call of Duty player by night, Mike’s diet consists of barley and Red Bull. His favorite battle sequence in CoD: Modern Warfare 2 is the one where the infantry combat vehicle goes through the neighborhood, clearing out the Russians. Why? Because the name of the rig is Honey Badger and, like Mike, Honey Badger don’t give a fuck. He is looking forward to mowing down opponents without fear or care.

 

Jeremiah Walter, THE CROWN

Here is the guy that once won the League Cup with a regular-season record of 12 – 1. That was a hell of an accomplishment, one Jeremiah will be chasing for a long ti…oh wait, he already beat it. This guy went an incredible 13 – 0 in the 2016 season and hammered everyone in the playoffs to bring home the Championship Cup. Jeremiah is our League’s first repeat champion and he’s hungry for more. The woman in the photo with Jeremiah is Nicole, his wife and another League member. Together, they have something like eleven children. They don’t even know.

Jeremiah

 

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